Following a tip from Colin Robinson to use talk to the local leaders of the land leads the group to what Colin describes as “a smorgasbord of banality and despair,” which he attends in order to feast on everyone’s energy by boring them to death. So what’s a vampire to do in order to conquer America? Well, they begin with their local city council meeting, of course. The main reason the others tolerate Colin is because he’s the only one with a paying job. And lastly, there’s Colin Robinson ( Mark Proksch), an energy vampire who looks like a regular person and can even walk in the daylight, and who drains humans and even vampires of their energy by boring or enraging them. The aforementioned Guillermo has served as Nandor’s unappreciated familiar for 10 years, desperately wishing for the day he can turn into a vampire like his idol, Armand from Interview with the Vampire. They fled to America because people in the Old Country didn’t like the color of their skin, and probably more that they killed and ate people. We also have the highly sexual Laszlo ( Matt Berry) and his unfaithful lover and wife (who also turned him into a vampire) Nadja ( Nastasia Demetriou). There’s Nandor “the Relentless” ( Kayvan Novak) is the self-proclaimed leader of the house, and a medieval Ottoman warrior turned dandy vampire who is a bit obsessed with neatness. Who are the housemates, exactly? Given this is a mockumentary, they neatly introduce themselves and what their deals are right to the audience. The episode then deals with the preparations made for The Baron’s arrival, the buying of macabre party decorations like creepy (they actually mean crepe paper). Of course, they haven’t, they’ve barely managed to conquer a house in Staten Island (“as you can see, the place is fucking massive” says one of the roommates). The Baron believes that vampires should rule the world, and is coming to New York to check on the group’s progress in conquering America. ![]() The main plot of the season, and the reason for the meeting, is that a letter has arrived announcing the arrival of The Baron, a vampire from the Old Country who is coming to visit. Only this time it isn’t Taika Waititi’s Viago, but a familiar (basically a vampire’s human slave) named Guillermo ( Harvey Guillén) who is tasked with waking up the household, pick up the mail, clean up the house, make it sunlight-proof, and of course, getting rid of corpses. Echoing the opening scene of the original movie from 2014, we start with a vampire rising up from their coffin in a spooky fashion before summoning a house meeting. The first episode of the show mostly serves to introduce us to the vampire roommates of Staten Island.
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